Change is Good

Hello, old friend. 

I have big plans ahead of me.  A big move, a big move forward, and big big plans. 

We're starting fresh in a couple of weeks, and I'm ready to go now. 

So, this is not good-bye, this is just the beginning. 


I like this blogging stuff.  And, I like that taking picture thing too. 

I think I'm going to get serious about it.  I think I'm going to write more and I'm going to focus my writing. 



I've spent two years with you little blog.  You did my heart good. 

But, I'm going to try something different.  I'm going to focus on me in my surroundings rather than how my surroundings affect me. 

Thanks for listening.  Thanks for letting me vent.  I'm not going to vent like that anymore.  I'm going to stay positive and stay focused. 





This will be my last post on FOW/EDH.  From now on, you can catch my writing at www.imwashingtonstate.com.





I hope you like it.

Today Was Good For....

An afternoon nap.  

December sun tanning.

Bird watching.

Wearing ratty leggings and a tunic.

Jumping on the bed.

Giving to others.

Enjoying a December sky.

And blogging. 

Random N'at

Things feel all discombobulated right now.  I'm really proud that I spelled that word correctly just now.  I have two weeks to go at work, and things will most likely be highly stressful in my final days.  Crunch time, I guess.  So, I fight exhaustion tonight after a nap that made me more tired and Chinese food that told me "this isn't a good idea" on bite number 3. 

Our router is fixed, hallelujah.  It's a tad faster now, so maybe blogging will be a tad easier.  I have a warm puppy next to me and I don't have to work until 11AM tomorrow.  A blessing and a curse on an always hectic Friday.  We'll see what happens. One thing I know for sure is that tomorrow I will be in this same bed, with a laptop on my lap, drinking the beer that has been on my nightstand for the last couple of days (or weeks, but its cold down here), while taking advantage of Pinterest.  That thought will be my driving force for tomorrow.

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I'm very excited lately because big changes are brewin.  Of course, there's the job sitch, which means that I can go to movies on Tuesday afternoons, start cooking dinner around four o clock, exercise again, and have general peace of mind. 

But, bigger changes are a comin too.  Kevin will be travelling to Seattle either this month or next to take a state test for a potential job and I'll have my new license soon.  As soon as I mail the application.  So, I think we'll be out in the next month or so.  And, that my dears, is a dream come true. 

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Maggie is adjusting and finding her own groove here.  She is a very vocal dog, a very very vocal dog.  She likes socks and dumping the entire bowl of water on the floor, leaving the other dogs baffled at this behavior and thirsty.  But, she is a lover at heart and it is awfully nice to have a dog lick your face once and a while. 

But, she is growing fast and it is entirely different this time around in puppyville.  Sometimes she comes to work with me and plays with her buddy, Ruby.  It provides a much needed release to have her there at work. 

And, I'm not going to be that kind of person who gushes about her dog everyday.  This is not a mother f'in mommy blog, not now, not never.  So, I'll stop now. 


But, here you go, and you're welcome very much.

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I'm pretty sure Lilly despises the puppy.  

They play and get along and managed to stay in the kennel all day without killing one another. 

Still, the presence of a new puppy reminds me of the calmness of the black one and how her old soul style soothes my soul.  She understands what we're doing here and what we're going to do next.

I enjoy our walks.  No music, no time table, no expectations.  Just her and I. The trees here are confused with a bout of warm weather. We have random sightings of cherry blossoms, and here I am, knowing that we will not see them bloom again.  Maybe it's a sign, maybe its a reassurance. 

We won't talk about things that we will miss about PA right now, or that this is the last time we will do such and such here.  I have to remember how hard it is to move to a new state, a new culture, a new life.  And, I have to use my experiences to guide the ones I love. 

Still, I'll miss this.

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Just because there are things to box up and decisions to be made doesn't mean that the holidays are put on hold here. 

We had our 1st Thanksgiving just the two of us last week.  And, it was fabulous.

This will always be the Thanksgiving when I discovered Pumpkin Gooey Butter cake.  No, we don't have a picture.  It's gone. 


And, the tree is up, the stockings are hung.

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My fortune, from the good Chinese place last week:

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Mental health day

I'm freakin writing this from my phone. My husband is watching the most important hockey game of all time an I thought I'd go ahead and blog. But our router is dead on arrival and I'm not wanting to sit here and watch the greatest sports moment in the entire universe. So, I write from my phone. From an app that doesn't let you type when you turn your phone on its side.

My thumbs are already starting to hurt.



I don't know how to put pictures on this app so picture some blue sky with a couple of clouds in it. On Friday, I called off of work because I needed a break. I needed a day to recoup and to gain some clarity. I've decided. (well I guess it's we now isn't it) that I need to look for a different job. Like, in Washington. So last week I put in a 30 day notice and on Friday I took a much needed day off to rejoice in my (our) decision.

I'm just not feeling like myself lately. And I think that's because my life is being consumed by a job that sucks the life out of me and a boss who doesn't stop. God damnit this hurts. How to teenagers do this all day? I'll switch to fore fingers.

Now, I know that it's kind of risky. It's also kind of stupid. It's a job and it's a paycheck, but it's causing me to perpetually grind my teeth and be a crabby bitch all day. I don't want that. I want to be able to live better, and to me that doesn't rely on more money. It's all about flexibility in my schedule and maybe a less demanding role right now.

I'm happy with the decision. It'll launch us closer to moving to Seattle

Picture some kind of flower that's a metaphors for rebirth.



I kind of think I'll be as happy as K is tonight with this game.


If that's possible.


I hope we fix this router soon.

Hi

I'm Maggie,

I'm new around here.  Like, two days new around here. 

But, I'm getting the hang of things.

I like to eat, and sleep, and play.  But, mostly the first two things.

My parents are crazy for getting another dog.  But, I'm pretty cute so how could they resist?

I like it here. 

I bet I'll be on this blog a lot. 

Tricks & Treats

You probably heard about this now, but our Halloween weekend was a little bit different this year.

It was kinda surreal and kinda awesome, and definitely unexpected.  It snowed all day long and then it melted the next and for a little bit I pretended I was in Washington because that's how we roll with the snow back there. 

Just enough snow to hush the world around us. 

And just enough to play in.

And this girl, well, we all know she loves the snow.

She was waiting eagerly at the door so she could run out, jump in, and take a huge bite of that white goodness.

Now, I'm not much of a snow fan, but I'm thinking its better than Halloween candy. 



Its's all gone now.
November is here. 

We have a bit of Fall left, but I'm kinda feelin Winter already. 

At least the kind that sticks around for a day and then goes away.





Thank you K for taking all of these pictures.  You should frame these.

I Missed You

A part of me was going to put this off until next week.  Enjoy the concept of not having to do anything on the weekend.  No deadlines, no obligations.  Nothing to plan right now, nothing that I have to get done. 

But, I missed you little bloggity blog. 



There were many times over the last month when I thought, "This is a bloggable moment right now; I should be writing this down." 

But each time I told myself to just live in the moment and stop thinking about blogging. 

How do I go back and capture everything? 

It's impossible.  It was an experience that I'm sure I'll get snippets of here and there throughout the rest of my life.   I'll remember what the morning of felt like on another warm, sunny Seattle October morning.  I'll remember what the streets felt like in a couple of years when I'm pushing baby strollers across the street to Dahlia's to meet friends for brunch.  I'll remember how perfection was wrapped up in navy and hot pink wrapping when I'm cutting pink dahlia stems and putting them in mason jars for dinner parties.  I'll be reminded of how good it felt to see him at the end of the aisle when he goes away for a weekend without me someday;  how such a short time away makes the heart grow a little more fonder.  I'll get a flashback when I hear a room full of family laughing at a holiday dinner, and it'll take me back to a banter that occurred during a couple of toasts.  I'll get the same feeling that I did on that day when I go through hard times and I turn to my right and left and see family and friends around me, their hearts full and ready to give to us.  I'll know the steps everytime I dance with my father or my brother in the future. I'll see glimpses of ours in every other wedding we attend from now on.  I'll remember when our babies are born and in my old age, how he looked, how he smiled, and how he didn't let go of my hand the entire time. 


How do you start to record everything.  And how do you start to thank everyone. 

I feel like I have to hire a man to fly a plane with a big banner to thank our family and friends.  Our parents put their heart and souls into this wedding.  They did everything that they could to make sure that it was the day that it became. 

Thank you.

Our family that came into town were so attentive to a stressed out bride and groom.  They pushed us out the door to enjoy the day while they packed up cars, they made amazing decorations for our reception, they recorded what we forgot to record, and they waited patiently at the end of dance floors to hand us ice water. 

Thank you.

Our family friends put every moment they could into our wedding too.  They showed up at the house with boxes of supplies, pushed through exhaustion to get every hair on my head perfect, and were there for our family when we couldn't be.

Thank you.

And our friends, well, goddamn it, they're making me cry as I type this.  They showed us how much we are loved in this world.  They planned, and planned, and sacrificed, and worried about us.  They were our rocks through it all.


This man.

This man ran his ass off for us.  Without being asked.  He literally ran through the streets of the city making sure we had what we needed.  He broke a sweat worrying about K seeing me on the day of the wedding.  He kept the party going on the dance floor.  He wore pink suspenders because I thought they would be amazing.  He was amazing. 

Thank you, Best Man.


And, this woman. 

This woman was the hardest working one of our bunch.  She was at her most creative, most generous, most love-filled best.  This woman kept me calm, kept me happy, kept me focused, and she made it look effortless.  She had everything that we needed within reach and thought about every detail.  She transcended matron of honor and became my sister this month.  She is incredible. 

Thank you, Best Friend.







Our wedding was the best day of our life because it was the day that we got everyone that we love in one room.  It was the day that we could all sit down to dinner together.  The day that I got to hug and kiss everyone in one night.  The day that we got to dance til our dresses broke and not care together.  The day when everyone was happy was my happiest day.  Our wedding was all about our family and friends, the cities that brought us together, and the love that we have for each other. 


And to end the day, sprawled out on our bed at the Westin in my wedding dress, the door propped open, having our best friends come in, talking and laughing about the night while they help me take bobbi pins out of my hair-- that was the icing on the cake baby. 


So, I'm back blog.  I missed you, but I was living.  And, as promised, I'm a little bit different now. 

A little more grateful.

A little more blessed.

A little more in love with life.

Last night in Singleville

Its 11 pm and I sit in the living room, the lights out, a fan running in the background, 5 hours away from going to the airport.  Tomorrow, I'll be in Seattle and nothing will feel as it ever did before.  I know that the crisp air is waiting for me, that the mountain will shine in all its glory, and that I will be stepping into the most surreal 3 weeks of my life. Right now, all I can do is wait. 

K got me a town car to come pick me up at 4 in the morning.  It is a special gesture, one that was given 3000 miles away and 3 hours earlier than my hour.  He sleeps in Seattle tonight while I am awake in Pennsylvania.  How odd and how fitting in a way. 

We have been apart for a week so that he could take his car to the West Coast and I could finish things up at work.  His week has flown, as have the miles that he put behind him.  Mine has dragged on in stagnicity.  All the while I am reminded of how things be and how difficult the first year of our relationship was. 

How different everything is now. 

So, I made the most of the week by embracing my single status.  I rented girly movies and exercised longer with the dog.  I cooked and drank wine.  I ate chocolate mousse out of a martini glass.  I relished in bubble baths with lavender soap and played Ingrid Michaelson when I woke up in the morning.  I even went tanning because that seemed like the right thing to do before you get married. 

But, it was terribly lonely and now I have a sunburn that will remind me of my single week throughout my flight to Seattle tomorrow. 


I will be a married woman next time I write in this little world.  When I return, it will be the holiday season and leaves will be mostly on the ground rather than on branches.  My head and heart will be filled with new sights and sounds and I'll be a better person because of it all. 

Next time, I will be a little bit different, but that's a good thing. 


In the meantime, I will wait for my town car.  Which I think is very Carrie-goes-to-Paris-esque.  Except rather than pink luggage and hat boxes, I will carry with me a wedding dress and a REI backpack.  Instead of a gold Carrie necklace, I will wear my silver heart necklace that he gave me on our 1st Christmas.  And of course, I go with a sunburn. 

On Wedding Planning

I can't sleep therefore I blog. 




In four days, I'll pack my suitcase and fly to Seattle.  I'll do it by myself.  I'll do it carrying my wedding dress on board, using my saddest eyes to convince the flight attendants to hang it up in 1st class. I'll arrive in my city, gaze at my mountain, and then go get my marriage license. 

I'm getting married in 12 days.




Don't misunderstand me though: I'm not freaking out.  I'm not worried and I'm not scared.  But, I can't sleep and that's probably normal for right now.  I lay in bed and type, two snoring dogs on each side of me, the house double locked, while my love sleeps in Iowa tonight.  We are getting married in 12 days and after that we are going to Jackson for our honeymoon, and after that we will pack up our house and move back to Seattle. 


Life is moving quickly, and yet, I am awake, the minutes dragging on. 




My little blog has been neglected lately.  You surely can understand why, but still, I feel guilty.  This month is a blur and it's too bad I wasn't able to document it. 

We went to Little Buffalo one Friday afternoon when I didn't have to work.  We watched Lilly chase sticks into the water while we ate on a picnic table.  She drank too much water and did a number to her cage, which I purposely don't have a picture of (but K does because he cleaned it up.) 

My garden has been on its own this Summer.  No dahlias or tomatoes like last year.  But lots of beets, peppers, and leeks.  It feels more organic than last year because it took its own shape. 



There, you're caught up.






I was laying here in the dark unable to sleep, blogging in my head.  Thinking about the last year and a half and how fast it went by.  And how different our original wedding was.  I started bolding points in my head and decided I better just turn the light on and sit up instead. 


On planning a wedding.   Here's what I've learned.


Shit, now I can't think of anything.

Savor it.     Get engaged and let it be just you two for awhile.  Hold hands, talk about what the moment was like, dream a little, and just in that engagement air.  Don't tell anyone, just soak it in.   Don't settle right away.  Life will speed up for awhile and it will seem like decisions must be made right away.  But they don't. 

No seriously, savor it.  Stay in the restaurant a little longer, spend a couple of days even without telling anyone.  There is a small window from engaged to planning a wedding. 


Don't be afraid to slip a priest a gift certificate to Olive Garden.  It helps you get the church you want and a lower price. 

This may sound awful, but Let people celebrate you before you start celebrating them.  Our problem was we started thanking people right off of the bat, before they did anything.  That lowered the bar as far as expectations.  It puts everyone in the same category.  Celebrate the people who are actually helping and who are there from the get go, its better for everyone that way. 

Think of the location. I love dahlias.  I love their shape and their texture.  I love how there are so many varieties.  I love how they look at Pike Place.  I love them so much I googled "dahlia farm in Washington" and found my wedding flowers.  I knew that dahlias grew so well out there and that there must be a farm.  And that the farm must have low cost flowers.  Mine will be $1 a stem. 

Take a chance on the good stuff.  Our venue seemed too fancy, therefore we thought too pricey.  But, the food is the best in town and you don't have to rent anything.  And they're professionals so you don't have to hire a wedding planner.  And the place is unique and beautiful.  So, we almost lost out because we were judging a book by its cover. 

Choose places that are meaningful to you two.  The church where I went during our long distance relationship.  It is the holiest place I've been to.  Our caterer represents several events in our dating life.  The hotel we're staying at has the best views of the city where I left my heart.  These locations automatically infuse personality and meaning into our wedding.  We don't have to monogram everything because our stamp is already there. 

Keep a record.  Of every piece of stationary.  Every little event that happened.  Every good idea and bad idea.  Buy a box and fill it with all of the memories. 

Expect things to change.  Especially with a longer engagement.  If you get engaged and then married nine months later, things won't have time to change.  But, if you savor and take your time (which you should), then things definitely will.  And that's okay.  There is good change in it all.  This is about moving on with your life and starting on with a new chapter.  Some people like the chapter you're in and some people are curious to see what's ahead.  We joke that our wedding party has been like Survivor.  Some people have left but others have joined, and that's worth all of the change. 

Take several breaks.  Whether you're burned out or you just got burned, step away from it all for awhile.  Go back to dating for a little bit.  I've never thought of myself as a bride, or necessarily as a fiancee.  I'm me and I'll always be that and I'm not defined just by this period in my life.  So, I took a month off here and there, took more pictures of my dog and my backyard, and didn't worry about fitting into a wedding dress. 

Know that there will be disappointments, but there will also be pretty amazing moments.  Sure, things haven't gone how we planned and there have been times that were pretty tough.  But, there are people around us who have been extraordinary and that shuts all of the disappointments out. 

Hold on tight to the ones you love. 



And show them the love.

Keep it all in perspective.  Yeah, there have been ups and downs.  Yeah the food is going to be amazing.  Yeah it'll be the best day of my life.  But, I'm really in this for the marriage.  That's the important part. 



Don't say "I'm marrying my best friend."  That's lame. 

I'm going to blog one more time before I leave.  I'm going to write about what its like in these last single days.  With the dogs.