Last night in Singleville

Its 11 pm and I sit in the living room, the lights out, a fan running in the background, 5 hours away from going to the airport.  Tomorrow, I'll be in Seattle and nothing will feel as it ever did before.  I know that the crisp air is waiting for me, that the mountain will shine in all its glory, and that I will be stepping into the most surreal 3 weeks of my life. Right now, all I can do is wait. 

K got me a town car to come pick me up at 4 in the morning.  It is a special gesture, one that was given 3000 miles away and 3 hours earlier than my hour.  He sleeps in Seattle tonight while I am awake in Pennsylvania.  How odd and how fitting in a way. 

We have been apart for a week so that he could take his car to the West Coast and I could finish things up at work.  His week has flown, as have the miles that he put behind him.  Mine has dragged on in stagnicity.  All the while I am reminded of how things be and how difficult the first year of our relationship was. 

How different everything is now. 

So, I made the most of the week by embracing my single status.  I rented girly movies and exercised longer with the dog.  I cooked and drank wine.  I ate chocolate mousse out of a martini glass.  I relished in bubble baths with lavender soap and played Ingrid Michaelson when I woke up in the morning.  I even went tanning because that seemed like the right thing to do before you get married. 

But, it was terribly lonely and now I have a sunburn that will remind me of my single week throughout my flight to Seattle tomorrow. 


I will be a married woman next time I write in this little world.  When I return, it will be the holiday season and leaves will be mostly on the ground rather than on branches.  My head and heart will be filled with new sights and sounds and I'll be a better person because of it all. 

Next time, I will be a little bit different, but that's a good thing. 


In the meantime, I will wait for my town car.  Which I think is very Carrie-goes-to-Paris-esque.  Except rather than pink luggage and hat boxes, I will carry with me a wedding dress and a REI backpack.  Instead of a gold Carrie necklace, I will wear my silver heart necklace that he gave me on our 1st Christmas.  And of course, I go with a sunburn. 

On Wedding Planning

I can't sleep therefore I blog. 




In four days, I'll pack my suitcase and fly to Seattle.  I'll do it by myself.  I'll do it carrying my wedding dress on board, using my saddest eyes to convince the flight attendants to hang it up in 1st class. I'll arrive in my city, gaze at my mountain, and then go get my marriage license. 

I'm getting married in 12 days.




Don't misunderstand me though: I'm not freaking out.  I'm not worried and I'm not scared.  But, I can't sleep and that's probably normal for right now.  I lay in bed and type, two snoring dogs on each side of me, the house double locked, while my love sleeps in Iowa tonight.  We are getting married in 12 days and after that we are going to Jackson for our honeymoon, and after that we will pack up our house and move back to Seattle. 


Life is moving quickly, and yet, I am awake, the minutes dragging on. 




My little blog has been neglected lately.  You surely can understand why, but still, I feel guilty.  This month is a blur and it's too bad I wasn't able to document it. 

We went to Little Buffalo one Friday afternoon when I didn't have to work.  We watched Lilly chase sticks into the water while we ate on a picnic table.  She drank too much water and did a number to her cage, which I purposely don't have a picture of (but K does because he cleaned it up.) 

My garden has been on its own this Summer.  No dahlias or tomatoes like last year.  But lots of beets, peppers, and leeks.  It feels more organic than last year because it took its own shape. 



There, you're caught up.






I was laying here in the dark unable to sleep, blogging in my head.  Thinking about the last year and a half and how fast it went by.  And how different our original wedding was.  I started bolding points in my head and decided I better just turn the light on and sit up instead. 


On planning a wedding.   Here's what I've learned.


Shit, now I can't think of anything.

Savor it.     Get engaged and let it be just you two for awhile.  Hold hands, talk about what the moment was like, dream a little, and just in that engagement air.  Don't tell anyone, just soak it in.   Don't settle right away.  Life will speed up for awhile and it will seem like decisions must be made right away.  But they don't. 

No seriously, savor it.  Stay in the restaurant a little longer, spend a couple of days even without telling anyone.  There is a small window from engaged to planning a wedding. 


Don't be afraid to slip a priest a gift certificate to Olive Garden.  It helps you get the church you want and a lower price. 

This may sound awful, but Let people celebrate you before you start celebrating them.  Our problem was we started thanking people right off of the bat, before they did anything.  That lowered the bar as far as expectations.  It puts everyone in the same category.  Celebrate the people who are actually helping and who are there from the get go, its better for everyone that way. 

Think of the location. I love dahlias.  I love their shape and their texture.  I love how there are so many varieties.  I love how they look at Pike Place.  I love them so much I googled "dahlia farm in Washington" and found my wedding flowers.  I knew that dahlias grew so well out there and that there must be a farm.  And that the farm must have low cost flowers.  Mine will be $1 a stem. 

Take a chance on the good stuff.  Our venue seemed too fancy, therefore we thought too pricey.  But, the food is the best in town and you don't have to rent anything.  And they're professionals so you don't have to hire a wedding planner.  And the place is unique and beautiful.  So, we almost lost out because we were judging a book by its cover. 

Choose places that are meaningful to you two.  The church where I went during our long distance relationship.  It is the holiest place I've been to.  Our caterer represents several events in our dating life.  The hotel we're staying at has the best views of the city where I left my heart.  These locations automatically infuse personality and meaning into our wedding.  We don't have to monogram everything because our stamp is already there. 

Keep a record.  Of every piece of stationary.  Every little event that happened.  Every good idea and bad idea.  Buy a box and fill it with all of the memories. 

Expect things to change.  Especially with a longer engagement.  If you get engaged and then married nine months later, things won't have time to change.  But, if you savor and take your time (which you should), then things definitely will.  And that's okay.  There is good change in it all.  This is about moving on with your life and starting on with a new chapter.  Some people like the chapter you're in and some people are curious to see what's ahead.  We joke that our wedding party has been like Survivor.  Some people have left but others have joined, and that's worth all of the change. 

Take several breaks.  Whether you're burned out or you just got burned, step away from it all for awhile.  Go back to dating for a little bit.  I've never thought of myself as a bride, or necessarily as a fiancee.  I'm me and I'll always be that and I'm not defined just by this period in my life.  So, I took a month off here and there, took more pictures of my dog and my backyard, and didn't worry about fitting into a wedding dress. 

Know that there will be disappointments, but there will also be pretty amazing moments.  Sure, things haven't gone how we planned and there have been times that were pretty tough.  But, there are people around us who have been extraordinary and that shuts all of the disappointments out. 

Hold on tight to the ones you love. 



And show them the love.

Keep it all in perspective.  Yeah, there have been ups and downs.  Yeah the food is going to be amazing.  Yeah it'll be the best day of my life.  But, I'm really in this for the marriage.  That's the important part. 



Don't say "I'm marrying my best friend."  That's lame. 

I'm going to blog one more time before I leave.  I'm going to write about what its like in these last single days.  With the dogs. 

Anatomy of a Weekend: Saturday only

I got jipped out of my weekend again.  I'm not bitching about my job, but it's really getting on my nerve right now.  An extra shift here and there is suddenly becoming overwhelming, and it's cutting into my social life. 

Fridays are the worse.  Worse than Mondays.  I feel like I have to claw my way out of a sunken grave, kicking against moving ground, until my shoes and elbows are muddy and I've finally reached the beer that is waiting for me on the green grass.

Well, that may be a little dramatic, but you get the point. 

I worked late Friday and had to go in for a planned shift on Sunday.  So, around dusk on Saturday I started to panic, because, well my weekend was already over.


"We didn't do anything, I didn't accomplish anything," is what I said.

"Its the weekend, that's the point," is what he said. 

Still, I felt I needed to do something, or at least take pictures and look like I did something. 


So Lilly and I took a walk.  

It was simple and it was satisfying and it was enough to salvage my very short weekend (day). 


On Sunday, I spent the day with the residents and kept thinking, "Where were you 10 years ago?" but most of them couldn't really remember anyways, so I guess it didn't matter. 

I listened to the past on the radio and curled up at my desk because that was as good as it was going to get. 


I passed the day making colorful bulletin boards and skipped out a little bit early. 

You could say I rallied a bit.

By savoring K's homemade chili with lots of Ritz crackers and cast-iron skillet cornbread. 

And since we rallied so well on Sunday (hey, someone had to, right? ........), we continued on Monday with a driving range date. 

It worked because I didn't know what day it was.  The days get mushed together when you don't have much of a weekend. 

I still don't know.  It feels like Wednesday.  But, I'm off tomorrow so I'll get a mini weekend again. 

Shanksville

There are a couple of places in this world that feel bigger than myself.  Places that you can feel God's presence.  Places that you know are extra special because of the people who have gone through or the things that have been experienced there.  Places that make you stop, look at your life, and crave more from yourself. 



There's Larrabee

The church that we will get married in really really soon

And there's this little mountain town in rural Pennsylvania.  Rural isn't even a good word for it because it is so so so rural.  Tiny.  Unheard of. 

But, it's sacred ground. 


There is a special spot in my heart for Shanksville, Pennsylvania. 

We visited it a couple years ago.  Not because it was on the way to something, but because we really felt in our souls that we had to.  Back then, there were plans for a National Memorial, but that was at the drawing board level.  Back then, it was just a little ranger station filled with mementos from across the country. 

Because, I guess other people knew that they had to go too. 

A volunteer stood in front of benches that were donated, which contained the names of the heroes on that flight.  She stood there and told their story and repeated the words that they spoke.  Their last words. 

And you felt it.  Even if you didn't have the volunteer or the fireman shirts or the flags, that ground spoke to you. 



I will never forget the sky. 

How it resembled the same sky ten years ago.   How crystal clear it looked.  How it was so beautiful and quiet.  How the sun split through the clouds. 



How ten years ago I called my future husband because I heard a plane crashed in Pennsylvania, and he lived in Pennsylvania, and I needed to make sure he was okay. 

I'm not going to focus on how much time has passed though, because every year I feel like this.  I feel like I need to.  I need to curl up in bed and watch the footage, and open my heart to those we lost and those who are still grieving.  And remember what I felt at Shanksville, looking out in that field, at the burial site for amazing Americans.



We may never get to go to the new Memorial.  We'll try, but if we don't, our experience was enough for a lifetime. 

Re-do

I didn't figure it out, but it started working. 


So, here's what I meant to say

Last weekend, we had a hurricane.  It mostly rained and gave us an excuse to stay inside. 


Not that we are usually outside, but you know what I mean. 

So we stocked up on water and candles.  We didn't need those things because it just rained.  We threw a hurricane party, complete with things wrapped in other things food.  It made sense to me.  

The party consisted of two people and a dog.


The dog slept the whole time. 

The hurricane stayed through the next morning, when I took a "whoa, frame that ish" picture.  

I'm glad that I accomplished something from the Summer List.

Later that weekend, the sun made up for lost time.  We went for a Sunday drive because we needed an excuse to get outside.

And then it did this and I went a little camera crazy.  Or Instagram crazy I guess.

Those were au natural too.  You can tell because you can see the smudges on my windshield.  I have a dog. 





This weekend, it was too hot.  So we had to stay inside.

When we did go out, we went to restaurants that give you peanuts at the bar. 

Caught a hazy sunset at a Casino

And, we did this........

Which I will talk about later.




Damn, I gotta stop promising posts. 

Anatomy of a Weekend: This and Last

Wow, did it take a long time to get on here tonight. I don't just mean tonight though, but in general, it's taking awhile for me to put the computer in my lap and type.  I blame it partly on my slow computer, which hasn't worked the same since May, and my job which has consumed my life since May. 

You may not realize this, but having this blog really makes my day better.  I hope it makes your day better too in a way.  When I don't write for awhile, it's the same as if I stopped taking important medicine or started sleeping for only 4 hrs a night.  It catches up and I end up feeling crappy.  Because life is so busy, I have to carve out time and lecture myself into writing, because it's good for me. 


I was going to write "someday life won't be so busy" but that's not true.  It will always be something, so there. 



I'm going to stick with the AOW thing.  Although, my iPhone does not download pictures onto the computer easily now.  Hopefully I will figure it out the end of this post. 


Our weekends have been summed up in two words: crappy weather.  Last weekend it was Irene, and this weekend it was humidity that you could cut with a butter knife.  I like the hurricane much better.  It didn't hit hard here, infact the rainy weather that we're having today thru Friday is going to cause more damage.  But, it was interesting to go through my first hurricane.  Especially when we had an earthquake before that. 

Now, as a seasoned Washingtonian, I've been through my fair share of earthquakes.  Some small, some major, some just enough for me to lose my balance.  Down some stairs.  Holding a two year old. 



But, that's not important.  The important part is I'm starting to see Washington here.  In fact, there are moments when I forget where I am.  This rain has been enchanting, almost like a preparation rain.  The way it smell and the way it clinks against the gutters makes me think that I am home.  And then I remember that in a couple of weeks I will be and then life will never be the same. 

It's doing it right now and the little water vapors are coming in through the screen.  Most people are complaining about this right now in Central Pennsylvania, but I am rejoicing.  Fall has officially arrived. 



I still haven't figured out the pictures yet. 

Which kind of makes this post moot. 


So, here's a picture from last September.

I don't have dahlias like that this year.  Stay tuned to find out why.