April

This is the best that I can do right now.  I have to settle into a new routine and figure out how to accomplish things except for between 8 to 4:30 everyday.  It has been a struggle, but I will adapt. 

This month is a blur.  A complete, utter blur. I really just want to throw some pictures from the last month on this page and let you all figure out what they mean.  Or, make up your own stories, I don't care.  But, deep down, I know that writing is good for me.  Infact, it goes in this order when it comes to what is good for me: 1. Writing 2. Exercise 3. Vitamins 4. Immunizations, etc. You get it. 

So, like I did 6 months ago when things were hectic and I found myself with very little time and even less inspirations, I give you a summary of the last month in one post. 

Enjoy. 

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We had a bad storm at the beginning and the end of this month.  At the beginning, the trees were bare and naked.  I ached very badly for Spring.  Branches were everywhere after the wind and rain was a little too rough.  I took one home and set it in water and it took 3 weeks to bloom.  Around the time that everything else started blooming. 

It seems silly now, compared to what the trees look like today. 

Trees of pink and white are everywhere.  Their shapes and colors have taken over our neighborhoods.  There is a constant quiet sprinkle of petals in the air.  Almost snowfall like. 

It's like God looks at the world and says, "It just needs a dusting of pink."  There is pink everywhere, and I really like pink. 

I really love how West Coast shells look with East Coast petals. 

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This actually happened in March, but I started my job. And, of course you knew that, but maybe you didn't know that I felt really guilty leaving the dog home by herself all day.  Okay, you probably knew that too, but you probably didn't know what I did the last day of unemployment. 

I vowed to take the dog and my camera with me wherever I went.  We didn't do anything special, but I was very present in the day, and that felt very good.

I took her to Petco and bought her a lot of new toys.  I did not leave her side that day.  I put in cuddle overtime.  I gave her lots of peanut butter. 

The guilt didn't decrease. 

We played outside, throwing balls and playing tug-a-war in the not quite green grass. 

That made me feel even worse. 

She's fine though.  I'm fine even. 

We adapt.

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We grilled a couple weeks ago.  It seems so long ago.  Like last Summer. But, it was only a couple of weeks ago.

My life is going by too fast. 


Anyways.  

Now, I have a confession. I made a promise not to grill or make a fire until Randy and Theresa came out.  And, I obviously grilled. 

But, who could resist grilled steak and shrimp.  Really, can you blame me?  

Translation: Will work for grilled steak and shrimp

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Last week, we celebrated my birthday by going to a ball game. It was relaxing. We had beer and great food.  The weather had a great baseball crisp to it. 

K did good. 



That was the day before my birthday too. We switched plans at the last minute due to predicted downpour. On the day of, we cuddled together at a swanky restaurant (well, swanky for Central PA). We shared a bottle of wine, Washington wine of course. It was one of those restaurants that have throw pillows everywhere. Very swanky.


I like being 26.  It suits me.  It feels like its an appropriate age for me.  25 was a tough year personally.  There was a lot of turmoil and a lot of tough decisions had to be made. But, I survived and I feel like I emerged triumphant.

Infact, I feel like I've bloomed.  I know that's cliche, but Ive been wondering since I planted those bulbs in November just what exactly I'd be facing this Spring.

And, I've come to the conclusion that I got exactly what I wanted.  I am happy.  I am healthy.  I am tired, but it's a good tired.  A successful tired.  I feel like I planted the seeds and I nurtured the soil, and this crazy wildflower life sprouted up. 

Sometimes, we don't know what's coming.  Sometimes we have to plan for whatever may be. Sometimes we have to just let go and give it up. 

But, sometimes, we feel like something good is about to happen.  It's a very quiet, subtle feeling that is often missed.  All this time, I've been panicking and worrying about what could happen. Will I find a job? Will I get in shape for the wedding?  Will I prepare for my future? 

I panicked, but there was this little voice too.  It said, "Something great is going to happen."  I ignored it mostly, but it was still there. 

April was a blur.  I am tired.

But, it is a good, happy exhaustion.

Coming Soon

Soon, or maybe in a little while, or much later, I will start posting again.

I will post about my birthday.

I will post about what it's like to say good-bye to 25.

I will post about the garden.

I will even post about stuff that happened weeks ago.

Things are crazy busy.  I have so much laundry, it's embarrassing. 

I'm frustrated because I don't have time to exercise or blog.  


So, for now, I'm just going to post pictures of flowers.  That will have to do for now. 

Hotel Life

I'm feeling very good.



Last year at this time, things were tight and things were stressful. 

Six months ago at this time, things were the same.

 A month ago at this time, things were coming to a breaking point and I was officially freaking out. 

Freaking out about money.  About the future.  About being an ugly loser who would never find a job ever again.

Well, maybe not ugly, but I was freakin the freak out. 

And then one day, I found myself doing something that I never do.  Painting my fingernails.  How simple.  How insignificant. 

I painted them a pastel pink (check: Spring List).  I let go and I focused my attention on something simple and insignificant. I stopped worrying about money for a couple of minutes. I held perfectly still while they dried. 


Shortly after, the phone rang.  A recruiter found my resume.  An interview was scheduled for the next day. 

And like that, the last year didn't matter anymore.  It didn't even sting anymore.  It was only a reminder that hard work does pay off. 


Tonight, I'm in Maryland.  All by myself.  In a hotel that has a fantastic tub and a king size bed.  I'm here for training for my new job.  A job that I really, really love. 

Almost as much as I love hotels.  I've told this to you before. Okay, looking back on past posts, maybe I haven't yet. 

I love hotels.  I love the white linens and how someone changes them for you each day.  And white towels that, well, ditto.  You get to take baths every night and crank the AC up because you're not going to have to pay extra for that.  I love how you get to use all the lotion in those little bottles, and then they're replaced the next day.  I love that you can make waffles in the morning at the continental breakfast.  And, you get as much ice as you want. 

Part of me thinks I should buy an ice bucket when I get home from hotels.  Part of says, "You deserve more lotion in your life." 

So, they put me up in a hotel for three nights.  I got here, unpacked everything (because it feels more special when you take the things out of your bag and put it away), threw off my travelling pants, soaked in the tub, used two towels, and danced a little dance in my room to my itunes library.  Because I can. 

Tonight I got dinner, complete with crab cakes because, well, when in Rome.  I scouted out what I will do tomorrow, and then sat down, AC on and computer ready to write. 

Its simple. Maybe insignificant.

But, to me, its the start of something great. 

And those things usually come along when you distract yourself and focus on something as small as pink fingernails.

What I Love Right Now Post

Oh what a glorious day.  Nothing happened, but sometimes the most glorious days come out of nothingness.  And so, I'm going to speed blog about the glory. 

How wonderful it is to come home after work, with energy. So wonderfully energetic that I decided to plant a little bit more. 

Nasturtiums and mixed lettuce.  Because I dream of orange flowers and lettuce which I will hide from bunnies.


Okay. I'm going to stop before I begin because the dog is literally six inches away from me, gnawing on her foot, making the most disgusting noises.  Gross.


Anyways, orange flower dreams. 

I love how beautiful shells from the West Coast look in an East Coast garden. 


I love coming home from work and throwing off my scrubs, my socks, and my nurses shoes.  I love putting on whatever I can grab and hopping outside with bare feet.  My toes do a little dance when they hit the cool grass.  It is marvelous. 

There is something really great about my backyard.  And it's going to get greater. 

I love how I took this picture on my back, in my backyard.  That's right people, on my back.  Don't think I'm crazy.  I just have moments of eccentricity (holy shit, that's actually a word) nowadays.  You all should take it while it's available.  

I love how dogs chew on whatever they can find--sticks, left over hay, garden support systems, while I'm not paying attention.  Actually, I hate it. 

I love how yellow tulips look against exposed light switches.  But, part of me still thinks that these tulips look weird.  Like, they shouldn't be yellow because isn't that already covered by daffodils this time of the year? It's like they had an affair with daffodils.  I was going to say sex, and I just did, but decided to be classier.

I love how the progress is going with the inside plants. I love how it looks like I'm growing something I shouldn't too.

I love how a walk with the dog feels more stylish with a very pink scarf around your neck.

And I love how Theresa accompanied me on my walk today.  And how she's probably reading this now!  Woo....I have three readers now. (K, I don't count you.  You're a lazy fan). 

The foot sucking has stopped.  We are lady-like now.

What do you love right now?

A Day of Advice

It was a full day, and I plan to use it all up. 

Because it's a good feeling.  It's that feeling of excited exhaustion. 

The lights are on outside, the dog it upstairs with K, and Kelle Hampton's music selection is blasting over the squeaky toy that I'm so glad I don't have to deal with right now. 

This may not last, but I'm excited for work tomorrow. I'm looking forward to the full week.  April is here and it is a great month, showers and all.  It starts out cool and reminds me of my roots.  Cool air blowing with overcast clouds in the sky.  It hits my cheek and I feel like I'm in mossy woods.  The rain finishes out the day and pitter-patters against the open window.  The month ends in full bloom, with sun covering every corner.  And, even though I'll be in an office all day, I do not fret because that office of mine has eight windows.  I will be there, right along April, the whole time. 

I may be happy tonight because I might have had a wonderfully perfect Sunday.  It started off with a three hour talk with Theresa.  I did not brush my teeth until two o'clock because we caught up, each of us having that be the first thing we did today.  A talk with her is good for the soul. We just get it and we know it. 

And thus started my day of advice.  Because I know she calls to check in, and I know she calls to renew her spirit, and I know she also calls because she needs someone who can help.  So, I gave advice and I listened.  When it comes to Theresa, I am a very good girlfriend.  She's taught me how. 

Then the advice continued.  With my mom who was hurt from another disappointment.  To K, who is overwhelmed and just needed to get away from the books for awhile.  And even to Lilly, who I advised not to chew on that stick. 

I'm not an expert at much.  I'm a good nurse, an amateur gardener, a lapsed pianist, a first time dog-mother.  But, it feels good to know that others trust me for my advice. 


So, inspired by that trust, I spent the afternoon gardening and searching.  Gardening by planting peas and scavenging the woods for the perfect sticks to hold up green beans.  I worked up a sweat, which made that cool breeze even homier.  I finished at dusk, satisfied that onion sets and peas were resting beneath the dirt.  Then, I plugged in the lights that I may not unplug tonight, and kicked off my shoes. 

That feeling of grass against bare feet was what I've been waiting for all winter long.  Hello Spring, stay awhile. 

And searching.  Because I started my day with Theresa, I wanted to end the day as well.  So, I scoured book shelves across town, until I was satisfied with the right ones to send her way.  I chose perfectly dainty stationary to write what advice I had left.  And, I chose for her an inspirational journal, because that's what every girl needs.  Like mine, but with pretty little birds. 

I wrote her a note and talked about the books and all the things that make me happy.  So that she could use them on days that I'm not there.  Like Ingrid Michaelson.  And Kelle Hampton's blog.  And making lists of beautiful things.  Then I wrote her some things in that journal, to get her started.  Sprawled out all over the bed, music still blaring, but dog toy silenced now, I feverishly write words that got me through it. 

Like:

Bite off more than you can chew.  Then chew it. 

Hope rises with the sun each day.  Remember, its even behind the clouds. 

and

In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me, there lay an invincible Summer. 



I may not be an expert at most things.

 But, I know now when the day should be seized and I know how to do it.