Release

The tropical storm this weekend has brought along an unexpected change of season. 

I know we will still have 90 degree days and unbearable humidity.  But, there's something in the air right now that screams "Soon".

That crispness arrives in the evenings now.  The air, oh the air.  It even smells different.  And, if I didn't know any better, I would say that it was beckoning us to look around and breathe it in. 

Tonight, I chose to stay home, put on shorts and a sweater, turn off the music and listen to crickets, and sit down on our bed and write.  Because, now is not the time to say, "I will do that later," now is the time.   We've been waiting an awful long time, and now it's here. 



I often write about how much I rock on this blog.  It's not because I'm conceited or showing off, its more of a reminder to keep on swimming and to dig a little deeper. But, I do have flaws and they are great.  Debilitating at times.  I can be sarcastic to the point of rude.  I can be shy to the point of afraid.  And, I worry too much about how much time is being wasted or how things are slipping away from all of us.

My striving to push myself and be a great individual often translates into anxiety about not doing enough.  Not seeing enough.  And, when the times come along when I should be doing and seeing, I miss it because I'm worried about missing it.  Like going on a hike, but focusing on your feet the whole time so you don't fall.  I need to let myself trip over a root once and awhile.  


But, tonight something feels different.  It shouldn't.  It should be extremely stressful right now.  But it isn't. We are being audited at work and people are freakin the freak out.  But, I'm excited.  I feel different.

Something inside of me is saying slow down.  Take each day and remember it.  But, don't worry if you don't.  Take each moment and savor it.  Take this precious time before the happiest moments and live it up.

The season is changing.

The wedding is on it's way.

I've done my best not to be that bride who turns her blog into a wedding blog, then into a mommy blog.  Seriously, slap me if that ever happens.  I am not a bride first.  I am still me and that will be the case on my wedding day.  BUT, right now I would like a pass to be giddy and girly and gushing. 

Because, baby,  this is the high life.  Right now, right here, there's some major living going on.  We are on the cusp of emotions that we will feel once in a lifetime.  We are on the brink of beautiful moments.  It feels like it's our turn, not just to get married, but to be happy.  Unapologetically happy. 

Last night we booked our honeymoon.  It took us awhile because I think, for a long time, this hadn't hit us.  Not that we were going to get married, because we already feel that way.  But, to let loose, to allow ourselves to live it up a little, spoil ourselves, and really really focus on what we want in this world.  Like best friends holding pink dahlias, eating bacon appetizers, and singing Sweet Caroline next to cousins. Now, we're starting to think beyond the wedding.  We're starting to thinkg about hot tubs on top of mountains and picnic lunches next to rushing rivers.  And laying on rustic decks wrapped in blankets talking about an amazing dance-off between best men.  And Christmases with puppies and besties 10 minutes away. 



K's friend asked him lastnight why things hadn't brought him down this year.  With all of the turmoil and the fights and the egos and the stress, why wasn't he angry?  If anyone had a right to be angry, he had. 

And, K shrugged it off and said, " It's easy.  I don't care about that stuff.  Those people are not part of my life anymore.   All of that is not worth it.  I'm getting married and that's what I need to focus on right now.  Her and I, that's my focus." 

Now, I'm not one to gush about my love, but that's pretty eff-in awesome.  Things are changing.  We're changing along with the season.  We're giving ourselves permission to live.  I'm telling myself to slow down and enjoy what's around me.  He's telling himself to focus on the wonderful things in life.  We're not waiting for audits to be done or for certain events to pass before we start celebrating. 





It's August 29th, 2011 and we're starting the countdown right now.  Not only does the wedding start tonight, but life begins right here, right now. 



Won't you join us?

Anatomy of a Weekend: Making Progress

I don't know if you noticed, but I took a couple of weeks off from blogging this month. It was not by choice, let me tell you that.  Well, it was partly by choice because I simply could not think about doing anything after work.  Working sucks.  Balls.


And, I was feeling pretty crappy too.  Mostly because I was tired, but also, because I wasn't blogging.  I took a couple weeks off from therapy and I felt it. 

So, I'm making progress, I'm writing a little more. I pretended I slept through my alarm to get an extra half an hour of sleep this morning.

You don't know anything about that though. 

Oh man.  Did I mention I love Instagram?   I mean, look at that face! 

My Friday was cut short because I was suppose to leave work early but ended up staying late.  I want you to remember that fact because it's crucial later. 

We made the most of it though, with a fire and some beers.  This damn fire wouldn't light though.  It took a cardboard box filled with charcoal and some strategically placed matches to get it going.  But, it got going.

I also love fire.  That's probably not healthy to admit, but it's my blog.

We celebrated Mur's birthday on Saturday with Hibachi, cake, and some inspirational presents.  Girlfriend needs some inspiration right now.  And how could you not be inspired by some Calvin and Hobbes?  Really, I dare you.

Yeah, that's totally edible glitter on that cake.


Saturday night we went to bed early.  Because we're boring.


And Sunday, I woke up early because I was going to work that evening.  And, I felt very strongly that I had to have a mini-adventure before my shift started.

It was crucial.

I had to live a little on Sunday. 

So, I woke K up and insisted that he think of something to do.  He wasn't much help because sometimes he's not as adventurous as I, but I still love him a lot.

We ended up getting in the car, driving around Hershey, waiting for our new fav restaurant to open for brunch.



That turned out to be good enough.  Sometimes you have to make your own adventures and just be happy with how they turn out. 

We dined on huevos rancheros and steak and eggs. Not bad for a Sunday.

And then I worked until 4 AM.  In the morning.

That's what 4 in the morning looks like when you thought you were going home 5 hours ago.  So, it was a good thing that something inside of me craved adventure earlier in the day.


So, I'm extending this weeks AOW to Monday because when you work til 4 AM, you get the next day off.

But not really because night shift kicks my butt. 


Still......

When it looks like this outside, you try to bounce back.  So after I woke up at noon, went to lunch kinda looking hung over, I returned home, brushed my hair, put perfume on, and a cardigan with a flower pin.  I came into the living room, K looked at me funny, and I said, "I'm rallying."



I'm making progress. Yeah, this month is going to be crazy.  Yeah, I'm going to stay longer at work than I should.  And yeah, there will be days when adventures are put on the back burner.

But, I'm blogging again and to me, that's a good balancing act. 





PS: I updated last weeks AOW because it looked freakin ridiculous.  Honestly.  Oh, and the table pics were of last Sunday's dinner.  I cooked and K set it up with our new stuff.  He got two place settings out from storage.  He's so good. 

The Shower

Alright.  I'm forcing myself to sit down and write this.  Not because it's a chore or anything like that. But, because it was so wonderful and I'm not sure if I can write down words to convey that day. 

Everything was perfect.  It really was. 

And, Washington, my first love, you delivered.


You delivered so well.  I'm very proud of you. 

Almost as well as these four:

My two surrogate mothers, my most extraordinary addition to our lives, and my once-in-a-lifetime-couldn't-ask-for-anyone-better-matron-of-honor.  You four not only showed how a shower is done, you showed how we do things in Washington.


Where do I start?

Kevin's favorite part of the shower (he said it while playing Madden 2011, and I typed):  I really enjoyed meeting people who were a part of your past who I've never met before.  And, I really liked the scrapbook pages--I liked the moment that we had, reading those pages with you, knowing that we're moving in the same direction together.  I know it was emotional, but it was good to be in that moment with you.  There was no other way to describe it, except amazing, like a fairy tale. They captured what our vision was for not just a wedding shower, but what we would like to have in our future.




It was a fairy tale.

My favorite part.  I can't narrow it down. 

The way the heat of the day lifted off of the sound and lit up the lanterns that hung from the umbrellas. 

The way that the little rings clinked against crisp wine glasses.

 The laughter from a mother who's girl I knew would have been there.

 The shyness of a teenager who I use to hold and rock to sleep, and how it started to fade away when she recognized the familiar-ness of her babysitter. 

The pride of a father who's scrapbook page trumped all scrapbook pages (which was really really hard because they were all amazing).

The plates full of salads, steak, and polish sausage, which didn't scream shower food--just the way I like it. 

Cupcakes that were painfully perfected. 

The smell of a dusk fire and blinged-out cigars. 

Changing into jeans and a sweatshirt and curling up on a bottom brick step with the bestie, vowing we will take more pictures, maybe build a Summer home together, and definitely forget which of our kids or dogs belongs to who. 

Looking over at my better half and realizing that he fits in just fine and that he's already a Washingtonian.

Feeling so unbelievably blessed and relaxed because I knew that I was surrounded by love and family. 

Going home that night and making a gigantic plate of nachos for our Washington crew.

Knowing that our memories back home will grow as we start our life together there.




I can't describe my gratefulness.  So much time and effort was put into this event, and all of it done because people love us. 


Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.


Oh, I forgot the best part.


They made us FLAGS.  We have our own FREAKIN FLAGS! 

It was a perfect day. 

Anatomy of a Weekend

I got an iPhone this weekend, and downloaded Instagram instantly. Ha. 

And, now I'm promising myself I'll do this kind of post every Monday or Tuesday.  Or Wednesday.  Did I mention I'm tired? 



Perfection

Its been two weeks and I still haven't finished this post.  It was an amazing day and I'm going to take my time writing it.  In the meantime, I may talk about the gigantic beets in my garden or how I'm very tired because of work, but for now, I will not rush this post.


So, stay tuned my friends.