Routine

I'm really quite a crabby grump today. 

I don't know why. The sun is glistening off of the powdery snow, birds are dinning on the orange halves that I placed on the wooden fence. The dog is snoring loudly in the patch of sunshine that she's claimed on the carpet.  I have Dave Matthews blaring from our wonderfully finished wedding website.  I don't have to work this weekend, and get to spend it lounging and doing whatever I want.  I showered and put my hair in a braid.  I continue to rock bright red toenails.  I have everything ahead of me, just waiting to be pounced upon.

And yet, I sit here, struggling to finish a thought, failing to accomplish anything today.

I actually do know why I'm a crabby grump.

Somewhere between noon on Thursday, when I was cancelled at work, jumping up and down because I had a free afternoon, to yesterday afternoon when I went back and forth with the agency over whether or not I was going to do another eight hours at the job site that I had already put four hours in, only to be cancelled, and then called back when I was on the road home, SOMEWHERE between those weird, tangled 24 hours, did I realize. 

I have no routine.  I have no idea what to do next. 


And, it's seriously getting to me, yo.

It's easy to understand why some people never want to let go of the college experience.  Or, why people put off finishing something.  Because why not stay with what you already know.  Why take a chance and go forward, because you know you'll be stuck for a little while and will be in the in between.

One of the biggest life lessons that I've learned since starting my career as a LPN 3.5 years ago, is that nothing works out like you think it should.  Good or bad.  Don't come into things thinking, "I'm going to do this, and then I'll get a job by this time, and then I'll be making lots of money and I'll never have to worry about that again."  

Instead, there's a hurry up and wait.  As with most things in life.  Hurry up and graduate, and then wait for all of those job offers that everyone said would come. 

Life doesn't work out like that.  Sometimes, life surprises you, and BAM, you're hit with the dream that you've been dreaming.  But, most of the time, you have to be patient, and suck it up. 

The in between sucks.



I am faced with the facts that right now, I have some more waiting to do, and it's up to me to deal with it. 



So how do you create a new routine, a new life in the middle of winter?  It's six degrees today. 

How do you create a new routine when your whole life is wrapped up into two categories: passing the boards/finding a job and getting married. 

Where's the in between of that? 

Should I make a Winter list, knowing that my Fall list failed miserably?

Should I take up a new hobby?

Should I rearrange my furniture or paint a wall and look for inspiration there? 

Should I train for a 5k or something like that, to take my mind off of everything, while accomplishing "Get your butt into shape for your wedding already" task on my lists?

Or all of the above? 



The holidays are over, and that is great news.

But, Spring is on it's away, and I don't know if you remember me saying something about me possibly changing by then. 

So, the challenge is on.  To overcome the in between. To overcome Winter and all of it's bluesy blues.  To overcome whatever the hell is keeping me from overcoming.