I Just Want to Blog

I was thinking about putting up a sign on here that said, "Out of the blogosphere.  Will be back soon. As soon as life balances out. Peace".  But, part of me won't give up on the thought that I can successfully document my life at least once a week.  Even though I have a new job and I'm planning a wedding (well, it's planned already, we just gotta get there), I have to find time for this. 

Even if the blog turns into "all-I'm-going-to-talk-about-is-my-dog-cause-she's-so-cute", that's fine with me.  Because at least it's something.  Because at least I'll be able to look back on the last months a year or so from now, when everything is different, and there's a new hectic.  I'll be able to look back, and think, "yeah, that was a cute dog" and "I'm glad I wrote something down."  It won't be lost in the fire. 

I frustrate myself with the compulsion that I have to write really well.  It's frustrating because I don't want this to be a blog where I talk about what I did on Monday, and then what I did for lunch the next day.  I want quality.  I want it to be a place where I can rediscover things about myself, while finding out new things along the way.  But, at the same time, I need to settle and let it just be what it becomes. 

Somedays I'll write about the dog.  Or the garden and how even though I'm a Director of Clinical blah blah blah at work, I'm really the most proud that I was able to grow peas.  Or, I'll write about the clouds in PA and how they are really amazing.  And that's fine.  Because I know there will also be days when I write about depression, or throw my heart on this blog and proudly speak about the fine people in my life. 

Balance.  That's my June goal.  It's vague, yes.  It's hard to measure.  But, that's my goal. 


Balance.

We hoped to balance April's showers with, well you know, but May turned out to be very rainy as well.  And, I don't want to hear anymore Seattle jokes, okay?  Still, what I like about summer here is the balance between the hot, sticky days and the cool, dark storms that come in the evenings.  I experienced my first tornado watch last week. 

I'm not going to lie, I was sc'urd.


Balance.

Last weekend, we balanced family time and obligations, with private time and our own traditions. 


We travelled to Pittsburgh for a Memorial Day party and a 90th birthday.  We stayed up until the wee hours with Randy, Theresa, Liz, and Brian, and I discovered that I am very good at flip cup.  I orchestrated a sporadic firework shows that I was sure my dad would have been proud of.  We laughed at Randy when he put Neil Diamond on.  We didn't take any pictures because we were too damn busy making memories. 

We showed how professional we really are by waking up early and setting up for K's grandma's birthday party. She's rather awful, and it's no secret that we don't get along, but I helped because I'm there for him.  Plus, I had a cute dress.

When it was over, we threw everything we could in the car, and went home. 

For the last two years, K and I have enjoyed the Memorial Day parade in the next town over.  Lilly's first parade was last year, but my camera wasn't charged so there were no pictures.

We love this parade.  We were tired from the weekend, but got our butts out of bed.  We were actually a half an hour early too, by mistake.  The last two years we sat in front of a bridal shop, on their side walk.  It moved over the year, and I actually bought my wedding dress at their new location.  Now, the side walk belongs to some holistic massage place, but the steps and the grassy area next to the steps remained unchanged.

The parade is mostly Zembos.  There's only one high school band and they don't start playing until they pass our section.  The parade stops for 10 minutes in the middle so that the boyscouts can join because they can't walk as far.  Lilly barks at the horses.  We know no one.  Half the time the parade people don't even wave.

But, it's ours.

Like last year, Lilly got a patriotic bo-bo.  Which, is already dead, but that is not the point.

It's our thing.  We probably won't invite you to join us.  Don't take it personally. It's a K and C thing, and Lilly. 

Besides, I don't want you to see me tear-up when the soldiers walk by.  Every year.

Balance.

I didn't think the weekends would be enough for me, but they have become that.  We balance our days off together with chores and then things like farmers markets, caprese paninis for lunch, a backyard filled with colored lights, and sleeping in with warm puppies.

We have come to the conclusion that we are, infact, yuppies.  We like banana pancakes on Saturdays and filling up our Williams Sonoma market totes with fresh basil and spring onions.  We prefer wine on the back patio over a 2 AM last call (well, K still likes that every once and awhile).  We read in bed.  We talk about staying in Friday nights and watching a documentary about Yellowstone.  We are yuppies.

And, its fabulous.

So, I may only have two days off now, but I think we're starting to get the hang of it, by defining what's important. 




I have figured out the weekends, but I struggle with the week.  I come home exhausted and then I kick myself for sitting around in the evenings.

I'm still learning.  I'm still searching for the balance during the week, when it matters most.  

But, at least I wrote this all down.  That really helps.


Tomorrow, I'm waking up an hour early so that I can run across the field with Lilly.  I think, if I seize the day as early as I can, then things will fall into place.






Really though, my dog is pretty cute.