On Life

The lights were out. The computer was off. The fan was blowin.  But, I wasn't done.  I realized I was in blog-writing mode, where your mind narrates everything that you're thinking and feeling, as you imagine those narrations as words on the screen. 

I am happy. 

That's what I thought.  Because the lights were out, but I was still playing with my puppy, who has now nestled herself under the pile of blankets on our bed.  Because tomorrow is another test which I know I'm going to get through.  Because there's this ring on my finger, which represents beauty and pure love, and reminds me of a man who planned and loved for months.  And isn't love the greatest when you find out someone loved you with more intensity than you previously thought? 

Because life could have been so different.  Before K, I was in the wrong relationship.  The kind of relationship that tears you apart, makes you question everything, and leaves you with nothing at the end.  The kind of relationship that gets you so angry, that you throw out every single memento, only to find yourself back together a month later. That rollercoaster effect of inexperienced communicators.  I could have repeated that cycle over and over.  I was almost stuck with a boy, and I mean boy, who was neglectful, and crazy, with much crazier family members (we are not as crazy as our families, right?).  And it was so wrong. 

But, then this man came along, and healed, and pushed me to succeed, and expected greatness out of me. My life could have been so different.  I could have been without real love in my life. 

I look at this ring, and it reminds me of where I was and who I have transformed into. Trusting, loving, flying, devoting, moving, confronting, comforting, healing, growing, promising. 

My life is fulfilling.  I'll use whatever cliches I have to describe K. There are moments, especially now, when I'll look at him, stare at him, without him noticing, and think, " I love this man more than I ever thought I could love."