April Showers

I can't take it anymore.  This blog needs color and more inspiration.  The flowers around here have fallen off of the cherry trees already, daffodils are slumped over due to the heaviness of their yellow tops mixed with spring rain, and I have officially missed a whole season of photos.  This reminds me of the year my mom and I were a week late for the Skagit Valley Tulip festival.  The flowers couldn't wait for us.  It was a ghost town of tulip bodies.  Even the lillacs are blooming early this year, sending me into a photographer panic. So, because I have not fixed my damn cameras, here's some spring pictures from last year:  

Ahh, that's better.

I have one month of school left.  Did I say that already?  I don't remember.  Here's the thing with nursing school: the struggle is never over.  Even when that final has been turned in and you're faced with a whole summer of possibilities ahead of you, you can't exhale.  The stress is overwhelming and the uncertainty is debilitating.  I guess that's the point of nursing school.  They stress you out, have you pick yourself up, you learn to adapt, because really, we need sturdy nurses.  So, here I am, once again learning to adapt. 

When I had my LPN training, the stress was excruciating. People threw up before finals.  Hair loss was as common as weight gain.   It's not so bad this time around, probably because it's a lot of "been there, done that".  Still, here I am at the end of a semester, wondering where the last 3 months of my life have been, and what the aftermath of this semester will be.  Will I pass?  Yeah, I'm not worried about that.  Will I be the same as when I started?  No, because stuff like this makes you grow, whether you like it or not.  I can already see a change in classmates.  There's a abundance of confidence, despite the pressure that we receive through the program.  We're becoming educators, advocates, and real nurses before our eyes.  Will I be able to focus on the small things, suck the marrow out of this summer, and relax?  I hope so, I really hope so.  Will my dog forgive me for the lack of adventures this spring has produced?  Yeah, because that's what's so great about puppy dogs.

One more, just to get my fix. 

I'm having one of those funky days today.  Days that seem to go by too fast, and at the same time drag on.  Where you want to soak up as much sunlight as possible, but desire so greatly to crawl in bed and shut everything out.  I have days like this every so often.  I use to have them daily, but have managed to keep them at bay with various coping mechanisms.

Trying desperately to stay out of the funk, I'm sitting here with the blinds wide open, focusing on the sunshine in the aftermath of the afternoon rain, smiling at little puddles and raindrops on green leaves, thinking about great things that are possible for this evening (painting toenails bright pink, playing with a energetic puppy on the stairs, and watching LOST), while Kelle Hampton's blog is open on my browser, so I can just listen to what's playing on her page.  I'm trying so hard.  Think good thoughts.   Turn the music up.  Dance around the room.  Get outside and breathe that rain air in. 

The problem with funky days and Harrisburg?  I don't have any place to escape to.   I don't have an ocean to confide in.  I can't bury my feet in the sand and count the clouds.  Forests are still bare and don't have ancient Evergreens for me to confide in.  Point-no-Point is so far away.  The city that inspires me is in another time zone.  And that makes me so incredibly sad sometimes.  As much as I love my guy and am inspired by where he's from, I can't deny how much of me is because of where I am from.  We are all like that.  That's what this blog is ultimately about.  It's written all over these pages. 

So instead of Pike Place and the Olympic Mountains, I'll find solace in parts of my past that came with me.  Jason Mraz music will life up my soul and spark that dancing girl.  I'll stare at the little peas and corns and thyme that are springing up from the soil that I planted them in 3 weeks ago.  I'll make my bed and wrestle with my pup on it's white covers.  And maybe tonight, while I'm watching the best show of all time (next to Buffy, I'll admit it), I'll not only dream about those forests and about sleeping under it's canopy and starry sky, but I'll plan something.  A camping trip, a hike, a menu of food that tastes best when cooked on an open flame. 

And, if I'm lucky, maybe I'll fall asleep to the rain, and forget where I'm not for awhile. 

Just keep swimmin, just keep swimmin

Hello little blog. 

I've been away for a couple of days.  How have you been?


Camera is still broken.  Sigh, sigh, sigh. 

School is still sucking the marrow out of my life.  I have a month to go.  So, here I sit on my bed, typing another nursing care plan, day dreaming between pages about the life that I will have this summer.  

What will I do?  Here's a quick list, which I will add to once I have a life again.

- Catch up on the entire 1st season of Glee.  I'll admit it, that show is pretty awesome.

-Swim.  People swim a lot in Seattle. There are lakes galore.  It's one of those quintessential summery things that you should do.  Lakes aren't readily available here in Harrisburg.  But, gosh darn it, I'm not going to let another summer pass me by without some swimming action.

-Spruce up my mini-golf skills.  Whether it's on the really difficult course we have on City Island in Harrisburg, or the Pacific NW themed one in Bremerton.

-Bocce Ball.  Best. Game. Ever. And it's Italian.

-Roll up my pants and wade through a river.  Sigh, I'm so already there.

-Cloud watching.  Because I want to have time to just do nothing but look at the clouds.

-Camp.

-Whisper sweet nothings to the fireflies.  They are so precious and another great thing about living here.

-Teach Lilly how to successfully catch a frisbee.

-Rock that tennis skirt and tank.

-Camp.

-Camp.

-Camp.




Oh, Lordy, I need to finish (actually start) this paper.  It's going to be a long night.  This entry was my final procrastination move. 

Hooray For...

(yes, I know this is my 3rd post of the day, but the others were from last night)


1) A rainy day.  For the fragrance of rainy days, and how they make you warm inside and in a snuggly mood. For the way the room smells when you leave a window open and that crisp rainy air travels in.  For the way it makes your sheets nice and cool, and your bed more inviting.

2) Target.  When I'm bored, or even need to clear my head, I go to Target.  I usually buy something, nothing crazy, but that's not the point. I like browsing the aisles (there are so many), daydreaming, looking at linens and decorations that I wouldn't buy, and just wasting time. 

3) Little girl presents.  K's little cousin is going to be 3 next month.  We're like her honorary Aunt and Uncle.  Three is such a fabulous age, and presents options are endless.  I think the best presents involve the most creativity.  So, we've decided to expand her closet and add to her dress up clothes.  Oh, dress up clothes.  How beautiful, how colorful and prissy.  Sequins, faux lace, beads....I love it.  Love it.  I really couldn't decide.  What I love about Target is, they feature Fancy Nancy dress up clothes.  They are the most unique looking dress up clothes I've ever seen.  It's like Betsy Johnson for little girls.  And look at this phone!   Don't you want one for real? 

4) Peeps.  I'm not a big candy person.  Not even really that crazy about chocolate.  There is something about yellow peeps though.  Not Halloween or Valentine peeps, that's just blasphemy.  Yellow peeps are perfect.  And you know what's awesome?  My grandma, all 3000 miles away, sends me an Easter basket every year, peeps included.  Complete with 10 bucks hidden in a plastic egg.  Life really is good. 

5) Wedding parties.  We worked together and sent out thank you's to our wedding party. Seattle's Best Coffee (Pike Place 40th Anniversary bag) and a Seattle guide for everyone who isn't from the area. They don't know it's coming, and we're excited just to think about their reactions.  87.5% of our party are not from the Pacific NW.  75% have never even been there.   I'm excited to get married, but really excited to show everyone out here where I'm from and what Seattle is about (I hope it doesn't rain).   You should have seen us at the post office, 7+ boxes between us. 

6) Having time for pop-culture.  I watched Oprah and Dancing with the Stars today.  The only time I catch those two shows on the same day (or at all) is during the 1600 and 2000 med passes at work.  I feel like a real girl!

N'at

1) Gardening 101

Yes, I finally planted those poor, neglected seeds today.  I am optimistic, and very aware how ambitious I sound.  Something will grow, I'm just not sure how well, or what percentage will.  I now have a very full folding table occupying half of my room.  We (me and Lilly) also chose the coldest day in a month to stand outside, fill those little starter cups, and plant the seeds.  She lasted 5 minutes before she whinned and begged to go in.  Which made me question the Little Buffalo experience, but oh well. 

2) Cameras

I have successfully broken 2 out of 2 of my cameras.  The first break was with my most expensive, and cherished camera.  I dropped it outside on the cement. That will do it.  Thank goodness the lense is intact and it's just the battery holder which needs TLC. 

Which left me with my other camera, good for sporting events, bars, and places where you don't carry a purse, but you have jean pockets.  Not used for detailed pictures.  Not ideal for nature shots.  It simply stopped working today, and the lense won't close. 

YES, this is the most picturesque time of the year.  Cherry blossoms, tulips, daffodils, bees, butterflies, easter baskets, and not to mention every single picture that I want to take of this engagement period.  I am left with nothing.  

3) Pittsburgh post

I know.  I haven't even posted how he proposed or the shennanigans from our trip last weekend.  I need pictures to show you and I have no way to put them on this computer.  So, I'll set the scene:  shots of us in sunglasses driving, a heart made up of starburst that I made on the dashboard and K saying, "Hurry up and take it, I have to turn!!", pictures of planes making white lines in the sky, me excited and all, wardrobe change at a rest stop, ring pop shots, incline in Pittsburgh, city shots, contemplative shot of K (little did I know), post-crying shots (good tears), ring shot, ring shot, couple shot, couple shot, look how cool our shoes look shot, inside the Grand Concourse, Pittsburgh at night, shennanigan photos from there on out.  See? It adds to the blog. 

4) Seattle

Because I'm from Seattle, that's where we're going to get married.  And because I love Seattle so much, we're going to try to make our out-of-town guests fall in love with it too.  How do you do that, you ask?   TOM DOUGLAS CATERING!!!!!!! Whoo-hoo!! Nothing's final, but things are happening.  We are going to meet with Jessica Prince in June, when we're out next.  And that means tastings!!!! Heaven. 

Also, for our out-of-towners, we're planning a Seattle itinerary, complete with the Duck Tour, Underground Tour, Space Needle, Ivars, Seattle Center, and the Aquarium.  It will be legendary.  In like a year and a half. 


I will continue mourning for my cameras, snugglin with the pup, coercing those little seedlings, and dreaming big dreams this week. 

On Life

The lights were out. The computer was off. The fan was blowin.  But, I wasn't done.  I realized I was in blog-writing mode, where your mind narrates everything that you're thinking and feeling, as you imagine those narrations as words on the screen. 

I am happy. 

That's what I thought.  Because the lights were out, but I was still playing with my puppy, who has now nestled herself under the pile of blankets on our bed.  Because tomorrow is another test which I know I'm going to get through.  Because there's this ring on my finger, which represents beauty and pure love, and reminds me of a man who planned and loved for months.  And isn't love the greatest when you find out someone loved you with more intensity than you previously thought? 

Because life could have been so different.  Before K, I was in the wrong relationship.  The kind of relationship that tears you apart, makes you question everything, and leaves you with nothing at the end.  The kind of relationship that gets you so angry, that you throw out every single memento, only to find yourself back together a month later. That rollercoaster effect of inexperienced communicators.  I could have repeated that cycle over and over.  I was almost stuck with a boy, and I mean boy, who was neglectful, and crazy, with much crazier family members (we are not as crazy as our families, right?).  And it was so wrong. 

But, then this man came along, and healed, and pushed me to succeed, and expected greatness out of me. My life could have been so different.  I could have been without real love in my life. 

I look at this ring, and it reminds me of where I was and who I have transformed into. Trusting, loving, flying, devoting, moving, confronting, comforting, healing, growing, promising. 

My life is fulfilling.  I'll use whatever cliches I have to describe K. There are moments, especially now, when I'll look at him, stare at him, without him noticing, and think, " I love this man more than I ever thought I could love." 

 

I'm not going to take it, anymore

I've had it. I'm putting my life on hold for ten minutes and writing a post.  Why?  Because I need some therapy right now.  Because this week has been manic and busy and it's almost done, but I'm seriously going to kick a cat if I don't take a break.  It's been that busy. 

Right now, I'm at Borders, my little slice of Seattle in Harrisburg.  The coffee cups are red, the atmosphere is laid back, and there's a huge picture of Elliott Bay on the wall behind the Barista, which I'll just stare and stare at if you let me.  I want to steal it.   

I'm here because my room is too messy to study, and you can't really accomplish much until you clean your messy room.  So I've escaped, to work on my weekly 15 page nursing school care plan.  The most difficult care plan to date because it's the last one---not that the info is hard, but it's always the hardest at the end (that's what she said).  Because the end is in sight. Because it's so darn sunny and green outside.  Because you can start making summer plans at this point.  Because, we just got engaged on Friday. 

That's right, he liked it, so he put a ring on it. 

So you can see why my head is in the clouds, on the #9. 

But, I have one more day of this crazy-ass week, and ten more pages to type up before we can party like it's 1999. 

And I'd just like to add that I have the best friend ever, because not only did she let me get away with post-poning our weekly chat to tomorrow (because cats could be kicked tonight if I don't get more time), but she was going to even ask me to do that herself.  Life is still good.  Life is still beautiful. 

Camera is still broken. 

My session is almost up.  So I will end it by looking at that wall picture again, remind myself that I did take a 20 minute nap today (in Border's parking lot), and keep on swimming. 





Engagement post to come. 

I'm still here

I will post soon, I promise.  Life is crazy busy right now, and I'm neglecting you little blog.  So, I will soon post (in like 3 days) and share all of the good, glorious news.  And maybe my camera will be fixed by then (tears).