Funk

I don't know if anyone has noticed this before, but February is the month when I tend to write a lot more posts. I think I had 14 posts last February.  I'm on number six right now, and I suspect there will be a few more before the month ends. 

That is because I am fed up with winter at this point.  I try to overcome it, but ultimately fail, and have nothing left to do but write about it and bitch about it. 

I woke up with a funk today.  Actually, it was a residual funk from yesterday.  Just funkiness funk. 

I don't necessarily have a solid reason to be so funky.  I guess the biggest issue right now is I can't find a job as a new RN, which is typical in this day and age.  It's out there, I just haven't found it yet and I am getting frustrated.

But, then I accept that fact and move on, and yet, the funk remains.  It's like this constant feeling that is carried with you wherever you go.  This little shadow that is cast on your skin.  A grey rain cloud that hovers over your head.  It's something else, more than the every day issues. 

Maybe it has do to with the state of my room.

Or maybe its because it snowed again.  Again. 

And yes its beautiful. But I'm tired of it.  It will get slushy and ugly soon. 

It's my moody winter blues.

Every year.  Without fail.  Welcome back, I guess.

So, here I sit. Writing about it.  This is probably the sixth year in a row that I've experienced winter depression.  Seasonal affective disorder or whatever.  The good thing is that I've recognized it, prepared myself for it, and have gotten use to coping with it. 

Here is how to cope:

Buy the new Adele album.  And Lori McKenna's.  And if that doesn't work, The Temper Trap too.


Wear a frilly shirt with puffy sleeves.

Followed by a pink pout

And, if that still doesn't help, add a pink scarf

Get out of the house and buy yourself something to help you remember the good you do.  Then hang it up so you see it everyday



Turn on that music that you bought earlier, add some Florence + The Machine, and play it as loud as your computer allows

Sit on your bed and read magazines that make you happy.  Like this month's House Beautiful which is all about pink

If that still doesn't work, do what you did last night: lift weights, run, bike, swim, then sit in the car in a grocery store parking lot and cry on the phone with your mom.

AND, if that still doesn't work, think about this weekend........

This weekend I went to Pittsburgh to go bridesmaids shopping with 2 out of 3 of the best girls I know.  We found their dresses in an hour and they both looked amazing.  I'm letting my girls pick out their own style, which is what I would want if I was ever a bridesmaid. 

The process was amazingly simple, as much of this wedding has been.  They tried on dresses that they loved, and even had time to try on those dresses that you know you'll look ridiculous in.  But, that's all part of the fun. 

We went for some yummy Mexican food afterwards, drank margaritas, laughed over mispronunciations of their popular dishes, and caught up.  They asked questions about what Seattle is like, and what is Nettie like, and is she excited too, and we can't wait to meet her.  (We really missed ya, Nets, and can't wait until June!)

After dinner, we said good-bye to Liz, and Theresa and I stayed up until 6 AM.  We poured over wedding magazines, and pictures of Seattle.  We talked about the wedding, and hilarious things, and about what we were like years ago.  We drank sweet wine at the beginning of our night, and then finished with gritty wine that matched our raw and gritty conversations.  We promised that this would be the last glass and that we would go to bed, but then quickly forgot as new topics came up.  We laughed and cried, and hugged, and did random photo shoots with roses and her dog, Hazel.  Around 4:30, we watched her wedding video and laughed as hard as we possibility could at oblivious family members and those uncensored moments that we know will be on my wedding video in October. 

We hung out in our pajamas, hair flat and tired from the day that we had just spent.  At 6, her husband came in the kitchen for work and we celebrated his entrance, then went to bed.  We woke up six hours later, showered, then started up new conversations over breakfast (well, really not breakfast at that time of the day), slightly hung over, but still dedicated to the day.  We emerged from the restaurant, refreshed and ready to make the most of the few hours we had left. 

The drive back and forth takes three hours, and I filled it with old music and thoughts of new memories.  I was overwhelmed at the similarity to that drive with the one that I would so often take from Eastern Washington back home when I was 18, living and studying in Spokane.  The wind that shakes the car, the constant curve of the road, the farms and old houses that line the highway,  they all took me back to the same car ride, in almost the same car, back in Washington. 

I would listen to Jason Mraz and sing as loud as I could, and everything felt right and open to me.  This drive, I sang to Jason Mraz and Hairspray, the music blaring and my voice following suit.  I thought about the people on the end of the drive, and how they love me and accept me, and are dancing in place for me to arrive. 

And, as I write this, the funk has dissolved. 

Things are as open now as they were before.  More open actually. 

I have love in my life.  I have girlfriends that are honorary family.  I have a year of love ahead of me. 

I have the tools to shake myself out of those grey clouds. 

That's evolution, baby.