100

I've been putting off writing this post for awhile, because it's a significant milestone, and I didn't want to just write about nothing.  Well, let's be frank, I've put this off for three days. That's nothing.  Most of these posts have been about my dog or my garden.  Or my dog in my garden.  Not so much about me, or about where I came from, or where I want to go. 

That's what this blog was suppose to be about, wasn't it? 

I was seriously going to set goals for myself ala that Julia Child blogger, who's a butcher now, I think. But, who has time for setting goals?  This blog was going to be about Seattle, and how much I miss it.  How much I resented living in Harrisburg with all of it's crappy food and too much snow.  How I'm different from the people here and maybe better because of that. 

And, now here I am, writing my 100th blog post.  Thinking to myself, I'm different, but not better.  I'm from Seattle, but not defined by that, totally.  I'm sitting here thinking, it's far too late to be typing on this computer.  I should be sleeping and dreaming. 

But, I couldn't resist. 

This was another busy week, dominated by school and work, and dogs who like to run away for fun, and fiancees who study too much.  I finished a paper at 1:30, and thought that I was 5 minutes away from calling it a night.  But, it's been three days, and I felt that itch.  I didn't want to wait until tomorrow, even though I have a free evening lined up.  I'm aware that I will have to get up in a couple hours and hand in that paper, but I'm kinda loving life right now, and I want to write about it. 

I was feeling that feeling again last week.  The feeling that the happy part of my brain had just malfunctioned, and the constant blah and bleh was moving in.  Depression ain't no joke people, and I've gotten to the point in my life where I can feel it coming on.  It has it's own aura.  Like, I could hear it coming up the steps and about to knock on the door.  So, I had a couple back-to-back days of just going through the motions and getting through the day.  Unmotivated.  Unimpressed. But, unharmed.  And, just as fast as it arrived, it started to pass, leaving me with the reminder.  To stay vigilant. 

Like a diabetic has to watch it's sugar intake, I have to watch my happy juices.  Especially in a time of crisis that is nursing school.  So, I exercise.  I go outside and stand in the sunshine.  I smell the roses. I cuddle up to dogs, which happen to smell just awful at the present moment, snoring in my ear.   I put on Journey songs and dance in the basement.  Or, this song, which would have been my summer song if I had known about it.  I schedule date nights. I call my girlfriends.  I read this blog, and post like this. And this blog and this one too.  And, if those don't work, I tell myself to just smile and fake it. 

Yet......

I've made it to 100.  So, I must be succeeding. 

It's almost 3:00.  I'm just getting started. 

It's kind of difficult to reveal stuff about yourself in blog form, without reverting to facebook tactics, like "25 things you don't know about me" , or those surveys that we use to email everyone back in high school.  Anyone remember those?  Predetermined questions, which included "who was the last person you said hello to" or "what was the last thing you ate".  We'd fill them out, send them to our friends, they'd make a copy and delete our information, and then fill in theirs.  Golden days. 

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I miss the bathtub in my old apartment.  It was the same size as the one I use now, but I could get my Zen on better in the old one.  It was white, and this one is tan.  My mom probably has an art analogy that she could insert here. 

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Today, some guy that I'm going to marry stole his iPod car adapter from my car.  But, I really wanted to listen to my new music.  So, I took my headset for my phone and connected it, and attached it to my right ear.  Half of me was driving and listening for cars, and the other half was rocking out. 

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All I really want to do tomorrow is get happy hour with my guy and drink cold beer on the cold sidewalk tables in front of an Irish bar.  Which is crazy because I use to hate beer.  He must have Pavlov-ed me or something in the last four years. 

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When I want to recreate those lovey-dovey feelings that new love always brings, I put James Blunt's first CD or Ben Lee's green CD in, and it comes rushing back. 

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Next year, after the wedding, we're going to get another dog.

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In my journal, you know, that striped one that will change color over the years, I wrote:  I dream of-- thick evergreen forests, vacant pools, running, firefly hills, dancing, Italian towns, tanned shoulders, classical music, rainy nights, Larrabee, layers of warm blankets with cool sheets, a hiker. 

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My favorite quote right now: Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.  

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My second favorite quote: "Will you act right so she doesn't think there's something wrong with you?"  a patient's mom, when her little girl was acting like a goofy-nine-year-old.   I love it.  And I recite it in my head when someone is acting ridiculous.   


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I miss the water the most.  And then the mountains.  But, mostly the water.  The rivers, the ocean, the sound.  Hence, the name of the blog. 

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I was seriously giddy earlier in the week because my post had three comments.  Three. That's a new record. Thank you.


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Okay, now I'm tired. 

Happy, happy 100.