You Are What You Eat

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" -Mary Oliver

Okay, I totally stole that quote off of Kelle Hampton's page.  It's a powerful quote: a dare, a challenge.  It's a reminder that this is all that you have and that it's up to you to make something out of it. 

Sometimes, K gets on my case because I'm so anxious about the amount of time that we have and what we do with it.  There are weekends when I get ahead of myself and worry about the time that was wasted before we got a chance to do a single thing.  It's not because I think something is going to happen to us or anything like that.  It's just this reocurring ache in my body that constantly reminds me that life is precious and there is so much out there to add to it. 

He and I are eight days apart in birthdays.  So, this year, we both celebrated our 25th in April.  Every other year since 20, I've felt like I was still in that transitional stage from teenager to adult.  Still struggling to identify myself, relying too heavily on my parents to get by instead of realizing the potential that I had in myself.  And, while my bank account still does not reflect my age, this year, I finally feel like I've entered the adult world. 

To which, I am rewriting all of the rules. 

When you're an adult, you don't have to play nice. 

When you're an adult, you don't have to associate with people who are wrong for you, no matter who they are or who they're related to.

When you're an adult, you don't have to keep your mouth shut. 

When you're an adult, you can do the opposite of whatever everyone else is doing, and create your own life. 

You can get married when you say so.  And have as many kids as you want.  You can raise them to be exceptional people all by yourself.  You can have a job that you were meant to have.  You can decorate your house the way you want.  You can throw the parties you'd want to attend. 

Independence and responsibility are what sets aside the teenager from the adult.  I choose to be responsible solely for my independent life.  I will not do things because that's what we've always done in this family.  I will not make choices based on the influence of others. 

I choose to surround myself with positive people.  I choose to turn to the bad people in my life and say "You are not invited to the rest of my life."  I choose to be blunt, and honest, and defend and promote good behavior. 

Everyday is a challenge.  It's so difficult to stay away from negativity and it's more difficult to prevent it from creeping into your daily life.  We are surrounded by misery.  Miserable people who have not applied that quote into their life.  People who are angry and aggressive because they have not looked within themselves and made that choice. 

I have made the choice to remind myself everyday to laugh, to sing and dance, to evaluate myself and my choices, to apply moral principles in my life, to give to others, to love, and to choose happiness. 

I am lucky. I am lucky to have the love of a good man, who despite the hardships that are constantly disrupting his life, maintains an honest and beautiful heart.  I am lucky to have supportive parents who believe in my abilities and who contribute to my success.  I am lucky to have a mother-in-law who continues to fight for her right to peace and happiness. I am lucky to have friends who will do anything for me. 

But, most of all, I am lucky to be me.  I am lucky that I am myself and that ultimately it's me who produces the checks and balances. 

So, today, I will remind myself once again of the demons that haunt our lives.  Of jealousy and hate, of greed and negativity, of grudges and backstabbing.  And I will extinguish these people and behaviors from my life, and instead focus on family.  On friends.  On true love.  On puppies already asleep even though we woke up an hour ago.  Of the days ahead where the sun is bright and the air crisp.  On Dahlias.  On the breakfast that I'm going to make for the household.  On the little old ladies whose hands I'll hold tonight, as they ask for a kiss.  On the life that we're building. On our wedding and the people we will invite.  On the children I'll have some day who will grow up to be advocates and not bullies.  On traditions based on love.  On beauty.  On faith.



Someday, I will leave this world in true beauty and grace.  And, I will have no regrets.