Success!!

Final exam conquered.  I am officially done with my semester, which means there is only one left.  In the fall, I'll start my final semester in nursing school. Surreal indeed. It didn't hit me yeseterday, but it's definitely starting to sink in today.  This semester was difficult because the program was new to me.  It was different than what I experienced in Seattle with LPN.  Next semester is all about the nitty-gritty RN stuff.  The leadership, the critical thinking, and more advanced skills.  I'm very excited.  

AND, because I killed the final, I rewarded myself with a day off AND A NEW CAMERA!!!!! Woooooooot! I couldn't take it anymore.  I was in a hard camera withdrawl and I didn't think I could wait for the repairs to take place.  Someday soon, I will repair my camera that I dropped. In the meantime, I splurged and bought this baby.    

Hello, Lover.

I am so ridiculously happy about this camera.  I have no buyers remorse whatsoever.  Lastnight, I tinkered around with the camera until I felt comfortable.  I nearly had a heart attack because I couldn't figure out how to focus the dang thing.  The automatic focus was on and everything!  I freaked a bit, I'll admit it.  Well, the dang lense wasn't on all the way, so that's over.  My first muse was an empty diet coke bottle. 

Diet Coke

Diet Coke on the side

Underexposed Diet Coke

Overexposed Diet Coke

Up close and personal Diet Coke

You get it. And just to spice things up a little bit, I'll add a picture of lotion:

I topped off the night with some spaghetti and meatballs, caprese salad (eh, still not tomato season yet), and some yummy lemony cake.  I saluted my Italian dinner with an "Under the Tuscan Sun" viewing.  One of my favorite movies ever.  Oh, to buy a villa in Tuscany and start over, to leave everything behind and focus on the simple beauties in this world: love, food, photography, writing, friends.  Love it.  The only thing that I was missing was some Limoncello.   One of my favorite lines in the movie is, "Oh terrible ideas, don't you just hate those?"  Those terrible ideas are what we all need in our life, because sometimes, they're really brilliant ideas after all. 

Because we're celebrating the end of a successful semester, I decided to reward a patient puppy.  How many times has she had to wait for me to finish my work.  How many trips to the field have been post-poned this semester?  In the spirit of the evening, I reserved a meatball exclusively for her.  She ate it in 1.5 seconds. 

It's going to be a good summer.  I'll post my goals soon.  In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy my new cookbooks and listen to my new CD.  Yes, I buy CD's. 

Stay tuned.

One of those "what I love right now" posts

I can taste it. 
One more test. 
One more clinical day next week.
Sunny days are showin up. 
The school year is almost over. 


Hallelujah. 


Pittsburgh was okay this time.  Nothing can top the last time, so what do you expect?


I'm in the bloggin mood tonight.  I'm happy to contribute to the blogosphere and put my little mark on the web.  Sure, I know that I'm nothing compared to my favorite blogs (kellehampton.com, thatschurch.com, callapitter46.blogspot.com) but I try my damnest.  

And so far, I've heard Robin Thicke, Brandi Carlisle, and Ben Lee, so I have high hopes for this post. 

What I love right now......

1) This part of the engagement where I can plan as much as I want, with no deadline or urgent responsibilities that I have to tend to.  I can look up honeymoon plans, click on wedding invitations, and even plan a get together, or I don't have to at all.  Nothing needs to be booked or planned right now.  We're still in dreamin mode.  Dreamin about hot tubs in our honeymoon suite.  Dreamin about the different colors that you can customize on textured paper.  Dream about wine and appetizers with our best friends.  No bickering, no check writing, no competition.  Just pure, soon-we'll-be-wedded bliss.  I bought a sketch book and have been filling it with magazine cut outs and have been writing website urls and whatever thought pops up in my head.  I even bought the biggest box of Crayola markers that I could find at Target, and put them all in a beautiful, new turquoise pot.  This summer, that pot will be on my desk instead of nursing books, and I will fill that sketch book.  And then maybe, in the Fall, I can start freaking out. 

2) My new photo editor.  No, my cameras have not been repaired yet, but I bought something to work on until I can make that happen.  While at Best Buy, I looked into purchasing a new (better) camera, and asked about what to do with my broken cameras.  Well, I actually asked two different employees because I didn't want anyone to know that I broke two cameras in one week.  I swear, I could sit at this computer for hours and fiddle with the pictures.  My skills are novice, but here's a before and after:

3) Soft puppies.  I gave Lilly a bath on Monday.  She was unexpectedly patient and just stood there until I was finished. She surprises me sometimes.  Anyways, whenever I give her a bath, she is incredibly soft, very un-lab like.  This makes for great cuddles.

4)  Non-selective germs.  Whenever we go to Pittsburgh, I end up sick, mainly because of all the cigarette smoke that is inhaled out there (not by me!).  So, it was refreshing that this time around, K got sick as well.  I didn't have to suffer alone.  Sorry hon, but you never get sick and it's nice to have someone who feels your pain.  With that said, get well soon. 

5)  And this video.  The power of a dog.  This guy's house was on fire, so he told his dog to go get help (ala Lassie), and the dog found a trooper!  He ran forever and finally convinced the trooper to follow. 

6) Finally, LOST.  I've mentioned in a subtle way my love for this show.  It's one of the best shows out there, and you would know that only if you watched it from the beginning.  Anyways, two episodes left until the series finale.  Yes, I'm depressed.  Yes, I may never be the same.  I appreciated last night's episode because it let me have a good, hard cry after a long, hard day.  I am dreading May 23rd more than my final exams. 

It's now up in the air whether or not we're going camping.  Soon after my last post, we talked extensively about Lyme disease in class. I'm officially freaked out.  Flippin ticks.  Plus, I don't think parks here allow dogs to camp.  It's discrimination if you ask me.  Still, I don't know how many more summers I can stomach without a camping trip.  There's something genetically implanted in me that I need to sleep outside at least once during the summer months. 

I end this post listening to Rob Thomas.  Perfection. 

Oh

Friday we're going to Pittsburgh!  Wooo!!

Inspiration's a-comin

I'm in the home stretch!  One more week to go and two more tests and then freedom.  Glorious summery freedom.  K's done with school this week so I'm filled with envy of all sorts.  Although, he has to start summer session in two weeks. Still, we will relish in the two week (or one week cause I'm not done yet) yumminess and make it all that we can.  Sure, I have shifts lined up but we will still relish.  Shifts lined up.  Ah, that actually feels good to write.  I am excited to start making money again.  Ha. 

So, my birthday.  It was a good day, and yes, it was mostly up to me until about 9:00.  I think I did a good job.  Lilly and I took a walk, I managed to take some pictures with my phone, and I think we saluted Earth day one more time.   I did have to do homework on my birthday, which no 25 year old should really have to do.  Making the most of it, I decided to sprawl out at Panera, enjoy a yummy salmon sandwich and short bread cookie, and went to work.  I even finished early and got to enjoy a solid 45 min birthday break.  Yes, I had clinicals, but the girls sang to me and patient who I never met wished me a happy day.  It was a good day.  The best part came after my clinicals, when K gave me the best bday gift a girl born on Earth Day could get----a promised camping trip!  Yes!  

We camped together twice before.  The first time, I planned and planned and he came out to Seattle.  His first camping trip.  Sigh.  The boy was not lookin forward to it, I know it. But, he did his best.  I planned the best camping menu I could, complete with camp-fire biscuits (from a can).  I bought so much beer, because if he wasn't enjoying himself, I would make him drink.  I think we had a decent time, but it was too long for a first-time camping trip.  We went two nights and did a lot, so this time around we'll probably just go one night. 

That place is the most gorgeous part of Washington though. 

The second time?  That was in the backyard at K's house.  We brought both dogs. Don't ask me why.  Lilly loved it--loved the air, loved the company, loved the pitter-patter noise her paws made on the tent floor, loved the concept of huddling close to her owners and all of their blankets.  Rooney was nervous and proceeded to crap the tent. We cleaned it up at 4 AM, and then headed inside. 

This time will be different. I will plan better. I will cook beyond what I thought capable of.  I will bring more blankets so K doesn't freeze like he did the 1st time.  I will bring more beer.  And maybe vodka. 

Anywho,  2 weeks until freedom.  And reading non-nursing books.  Of running outside with my puppy, taking more road trips, gardening and soaking up sun on the patio.  Cooking on the grill.  Farmers markets.  Watching Netflix again, rather than having the same DVDs in your car since....November.  Bonfires, roasting marshmellows, sleeping and waking with the sun.  Soon, camping and laying under the stars and breathing in the purest of morning air.  To working and fixing broken cameras, and just maybe saving up for a better one.  And different lenses, and those things that you put over the lenses to change the picture. 

Good things are gettin here. 

So long 24...

Tomorrow is Earth Day, which just so happens to also be my birthday. Catchy, huh?  Tomorrow also happens to be my 25th Earth Day.  That seems to be a pretty big birthday.  The type of birthday that prompts young, tan, blonde girls to wake up and sulk, to think to themselves, "I am so old" and "time is going by so fast" and "soon I'll be ugly and fat."  Probably.  But, I am neither blonde nor tan, so I don't think that way.  Maybe a little with the time going fast part, but I think time is going by reasonably. 

I'm not old. I won't be tomorrow, or in 5 years, or 15, or 30.  You can't think that way because then you become stagnant.  Life is about living and looking forward.  Tomorrow is another year that I get to make myself a better person.  Tomorrow is the beginning of a big year.  And I will still remember this big year.  The year when I threw depression aside and healed my heart, the year I got into the school that would someday make me a RN, the year I brought home a special puppy and realized how important she was to me, the year I worked harder than any other, the year I got engaged to the love of my life. 

I really have no plans for my birthday, except to wake up, survive the daily morning tackle by a certain pup, stand outside on the patio and examine the sunshine, hopefully dance at some point (50 cent's In the (da?) club would be nice), and then proceed to my clinical site at 2:00.  Yes, that's right: tomorrow I celebrate birthday style in the psych hospital.  Good start.  I also plan on hittin the gym tomorrow because that's a good start to the year.  Plus, I eagerly await to put "25" in the machine when asked for my age.  Today, I said good bye to the 24 year old on the elliptical.  Tomorrow, I just want a good day, a full day.  I look forward to coming home and seeing what K has planned. 

Last birthday, I wrote in my journal, comparing the year before to the upcoming birthday.  The year before, I hit my lowest low, and thought about suicide.  I didn't try anything, and I don't think I would have, but the point is, I was that sad and lonely. I was that depressed.  When I was 23, I didn't want to be here. That year, I got therapy and K and I received couple's therapy, and by the time I was 24, I was a different person. I was myself.  And, here's what I wrote:

"I had a scary birthday last year so that I could have the clarity this year.  I can appreciate my life, my journey, and my gifts more because I have a comparison. I want to live now--not just scoot by, but really live.  I want to jump in." 

I'm jumping. I'm living.  I'm doing this.  And it's beautiful, it's fulfilling, it's true. 

So here's how I lived today:

I mentioned the gym, and I really made it happen. I had an hour before my next thing to do, so I cranked through the weights, jumped on the elliptical machine, punched in "24" for the last time, and fully enjoyed the workout and the magazine that I was reading.  I hummed along to Gaga on the radio overhead. I embraced the sweat and the hardwork on the machine.

Then, all sweaty and everything, I didn't care, I went and got a long overdue haircut.  You know how busy a semester can be (and how poor you are) when you put off a haircut since December.  So, I got a pre-birthday haircut, and told him to cut a lot off because soon I'd be in wedding mode and growing it out.  I got one of those sassy little bobs with layers, longer in the front, and I enjoyed it. 

When I got home, I threw on jeans, flats, a striped t-shirt, and a white cardigan and took my Lilly for a walk.  We went to the soccer field, and I greeted the sunshine, breathed in the freshly cut grass smell, and loved that Earth Day eve as much as I could.  And because life was to be lived in today, Lilly and I ventured past our usual walk, crossed another field and picked lillacs from an abandoned lot. Something I thought about doing every time I drive by.  And it was wonderful.  Wonderful to watch her sniff this new path, wonderful to see her navigate through tall grass and imagine her imagining herself on the hunt.  We picked the lillacs and she discovered one on the ground and smelled the hell out of it.  Walking back, I thought how beautiful the moment was, the sun, the lillacs in one hand and the gray leash in the other, and a dog who will do it all again if I just ask. Even though it probably looked like I had stolen lillacs in my hand when we walked back, I enjoyed it all. 

Top this day with a Mexican feast and Dante singing to me, and it's a pretty good farewell to 24.  And so, I'll end it with a phone call to Katie, someone who has never missed a birthday call, and then snuggle in between a boy and a dog, and wait for the clock to strike midnight, and then 11:17 tomorrow. 

Good bye 24, and thank you. 

Puppy Love

Hello from nursing school.

I woke up ridiculously early today in order to get in line before the lab opened.  Way too many of us had to tape a skill today and everyone knew that everyone was going to be there early.  I felt like I should have packed a cooler and a lawn chair.  Most people wait in lines for cool stuff (or, not technically "cool" stuff.....because how cool are you if you're 25 and waiting in line for Harry Potter?) and then they get something that makes the rest of their day.  No, it's not like that in the world of nursing school.  You wait in line knowing that the odds are against you and you'll probably have to wait in line again.  No cool gadget, no video game, no 2 hours of movie and popcorn.  No t-shirt that says "I waited in line for lab and all I got was this stinkin tshirt."  Just more stress, more waiting, more wondering just what you'll be doing this time next year. 

Life really is put on hold during nursing school.  Next week is the big 2-5, and I'm not really excited.  I don't have room or time for excitement.  Life is going by so quickly and so horribly slow at the same time.  Plus, half of my birthday will be spent at a psych hospital, so there's that going for me.  Usually, I have mediocre birthdays, which is fine and i've accepted it at this point.  The best birthday that I had was when it was up to me to celebrate it.  I was living in Seattle, freshly 21, the whole day ahead of me because everyone was working.  I started my day off with a coffee cake and drink from Starbucks, put a candle in the cake (it was green too, so everything matched nicely), and made a wish. I don't know what I wished for, but I'm sure it came true.  The day was then filled with Pike Place Market with Katie and lunch at Ivars.  Very. Good. Birthday.

So what do I want for my birthday?  Good food, sunshine, flowers, exercise, relaxation.  That's it. I don't care about cake or balloons or presents.  I just want a good day.  It can be ordinary, I don't care.

Anyways, back to the stress that is nursing school.  Yesterday everything really got to me and I was just unable to clear my head.  I took a nap, ate comfort food, finished my work so it would be off my mind, took a bath, nothing worked.  It got to the point where I was like, "Screw it, let's try meditating." Because that's all I had left.  I sat up right on the bed, layed my arms over my knees, and thought "I will pass" over and over and over and over again. 

The pup took this as a que to play.  She threw a rubber bone in my lap, then picked it up and tried to hook it onto the front of my shirt.  When that didn't work, she rolled around all over me, making that little piggy noise that she makes.  Meditating was not really working.  So I gave in, I rolled around on the bed with her, rubbed her delicious little black ears, and still, my mind was clogged.  I layed down, she stopped what she was doing, and........she licked my face.

This dog does not do that. Maybe to K because she loves him more than anything else in the world, but NEVER to me.  She licked and licked and then layed down and put her paw in my hand. 

And that did it. 

This is why I love dogs.  They get it, they know what you're feeling.  And despite all the times where I've unsuccessfully taught her a new trick, all the times that she ran away from me and tackled the neighbor, all of the towels and pillow corners that she has consumed in her short life,  THIS time, she knew exactly what to do. 

So here I am today, lab finished, waiting for class, a weight lifted off of me, eager to go home and reward that (Lab) puppy with a good run, and show her just how much I care too.

She was so flippin cute!

May Flowers

Jason, my dear, you did it again.

Funk is officially over.  I searched Mr. A-Z on my iTunes, hit shuffle and play, and the rest is history.

Room clean.
Organization complete.
Dog happy.
More gardening accomplished.
Dancing achieved.

I even put on my old pink shirt that I first met K in.   My, what a little determination can get you.